Rain or Summer breeze

Tbqfh: Madonna – Rain (Something To Remember – 1995) and it is memories of childhood summers. When bad music didn’t disturb but only excisted to fill a void that was never really there.

Was it innocent thoughtless joy? Some sort of freedom? That one time in Lubbträsk, I think I might always remember how it felt.

I’m sorry

I painted a picture of you
Your soul was red and your mind was blue
Destiny laid a light on my creation

This dream I had made
a slave of my passion
Reality was always too far away
And we were happy
until it came too close one day

All of a sudden I faced
the truth of my dream
my love had only been a picture a scene,
I suppose I needed to believe
didn’t want to see
You had never been close to me.

I’m sorry, this illusion
Has caused you a lot of pain
And I have no solution
I’ll try to never be back again.
I’m sorry

Yes I painted a picture of you
My dream was a lie and the lie
became truth
Reality held his breath too long
it’s disgusting what dreams can do

Dilba wrote it. Listen to it.

Young goddess – impending doom

Young goddess – impending doom

This photo has made a strong impression on me ever since I first saw it. That girl knows something we don’t. I scanned it from Härnösandsmagasinet, I think it was in 2002 or the beginning of 2003, a simple portrait of a daughter ordered by some important person in Härnösand around the beginning of the 1900’s. It contains so many, so powerful suggestions. It is suggestive.

Side note: psychology can be enormously frightening.

Loving

Aggression, nausea, anxiety, hallucinations, mini-psychoses, upset stomach, despair. I’m listening to Loss – Cut Up, Depressed And Alone from the demo Life Without Hope, Death Without Reason. How cute. I’m feeling more, but it’s all negative. I HATE

Sluta nu

Today has been annoying. I’ve felt awful all day, but I’m off all dulling drugs (except the allergy medicine, but I can’t do without it).

The cds from the library were crap, except Swedish folk modern. I ripped it and will share it soon.

My neighbours at Audioscrobbler changed drastically, now all sorts of people I almost recognize are among them. To celebrate, I’ve decided to go to bed.

Also, I have to remember to cut Labolina’s claws.

Nedgång

We went to the landlord’s office today to look at new wallpaper. The kitchen window area (which for some reason has different wallpaper than the rest of the kitchen/room) and hall needs to be fixed. The wallpaper in the hall is falling off the walls, probably partially because I shower so long and warm, and in the kitchen it’s just so unbelievably ugly. We’ll probably pick two different pink papers.

Alcohol-induced anxiety. ARGH PISSED OFF.

Åldrad kreativitet

Det är roligt med ord. För länge sen tänkte jag ut några.

• apokalops
• åskådror
• parentestikel
• Laxeriksson
• myrstackumulator
• fikonstapel
• telefontratt
• tankbi

I september 2003 skrev jag annat.

Hösten är eko, mörker, stjärnor, uppmärksamhet, oändlig rymd, samling i tysthet, kyla, eld och sorg. Färgstarka löv, döende natur. Kallt ljus och varmt mörker.

Nu är den snart här igen. Det blir kallare på nätterna, ångande andedräkt och beskyddande stjärnor. Dagarna är klarare och friskare.

Tidningen Ångermanland om unga förtidspensionerade. På min tid roade sig ungdomarna med vettiga sysslor, och jag har bevis.

Lån

We’re slowly getting some sort of order back. Only three boxes remain to unpack, all mine. I don’t know where to put all the crap I need to, but don’t want to, keep!
We went to the library today, to return the cds I had borrowed. I also got a few new:

• Maria Kalaniemi & Timo Alakotila – Ambra
• Lina Nyberg – Saragasso
• Nils Landgren & Esbjörn Svensson – Swedish folk modern
• Howlin’ Wolf – His best
• Evert Ljusberg – Spotlight

I don’t know how any of them sound, but I guess Swedish folk modern is jazzy folk. All the cds are sticky from filthy people touching them. I got some books too:

• Norrifrån (Gunnar Balgård)
• Läsa landskap (Nils Blomkvist main red.)
• Jämtland (Bengt Weilert)
• Historia kring Kölen (Lars Rumar)
• Att välja döden (Elisabeth Lindberg)

Four books about geography in different forms, and one about suicide.

Jenny’s new lamp isn’t as bad as I first thought, the light is nice.

And Rusty, I’m working on it. At least I’m planning to. Don’t forget my photodiary!

Promenad och socialiserande

Monday: Walking through town with dogs and family minus male humans, then eating Maria’s pancakes and baking saffron buns with way too much sugar and the wrong kind of margarine. I was so full I could hardly sit. We walked home around 02 in a calm, dark and cool night.

Tuesday: We got a ride with my parents to the disposal plant to get rid of lots of stuff we don’t want/need anymore. I’d never been there before, it was a nice place. We saw two huge rainbows, so strong in color. While I was sorting the trash, Jenny heard something about köttfärssås (minced meat sauce?) and begged for dinner. Dad makes it so amazingly wonderful. Jocke, Nea and Petter were still there.

When we got home, the door was wide open! I know and Jenny knows that I shut it and locked it properly. It seems as if nothing has been touched or removed. Is it time to start going paranoid yet?

Nea has taken a funny photo of Petter. He was very talkative today, and very eager to get to know Labolina better.

A fiberoptic cable was cut in Birsta just minutes after we got home on Monday (Tuesday really), but luckily the ”new”, selftitled, Shape of Despair album/collection was done. It is quite amazing.

Eventful times.

Folk

The library bought the cd I requested, Koraler & bröllopsmusik från Runö (part of the Musica Sveciae series), and did it in just a few days. While picking it up on the 12th, I also got Låtar från Orsa och Älvdalen since I’ve finally got it confirmed that I do have lots of ancestors in Älvdalen, and one called Norrland by Jonas Knutsson and Johan Norberg. I’ll rip the first two and possibly the third before I return them. The chorales are performed by elders in active tradition so they’re not as spellbinding as for example those sung by Ulrika Bodén, but still nice.

Jenny köpte honungsrostade jordnötter åt mig, med honungsinnehåll på 0,4%.

We slept almost all day, then walked around Nattviken and shopped at Hemköp. Now I have some reading to do. It seems exciting, but I’m afraid the end will be disappointing and silly.